So, I went on an OkCupid date last night and it didn't go too well. There are a variety of reasons why I'm not going on a second date (and he's not TOO TOO awful), but one of those reasons is that he's fat-phobic and apparently I've reached a thin enough stage to "pass" as a (if not skinny person), not fat person. Maybe as a fat-identified person, I'm too sensitive, but he had to tell this elaborate story about the indignity of sitting next to a fat person on his last leg of a trip (in 1st class no less--and those seats are way bigger) from Japan. Add insult to injury, dude was not a skinny minny himself--he's probably about 40lbs overweight. It just seemed mean and unnecessary, but it is probably something I'll have to get used to (and at times will be compelled to call people out for and at other times, like a bad first date, just leave alone because I don't want to have to deal with a stranger on the defensive, who will probably just call me a fat bitch for standing up for the fatties...remember, even if I ever achieve "skinny minny" status, women are always great targets for the body-shame/bitch combo by angry dude-bros).Some converts, like myself, might be compelled to anti-fat tirades because of self-loathing or self-righteousness (I lost weight, why can't everybody?), luckily I'm not one of those people. No matter my size, I'll always be fat-identified and body-diversity promoting. There are so many identity factors that "the man"/the kyriarchy use to divide natural allies, and body acceptance is one of the most powerful, whether its about weight, hair-texture, height, coloring, etc. Only the trim, white man is normative and everybody else is "other," which is bullshit.
So, no second date for dude-bro (he also appears to be a binge drinker and culturally incurious, so those are also valid reasons for not going on date two), but I have a feeling that in my dating life, this will probably just be the first of many "fat people suck" jokes/comments I'll have to get through on my journey to find Mr. Right.
As a fat person, I appreciate your solidarity!
ReplyDeleteIt really continues to amaze me that men are somehow always unaware of their own hypocrisy. An overweight man can go around saying, “Ew! No fat chicks!” and completely ignore that fact that they aren’t Mr. Fit-and-Trim. It’s like women are expected to accept an imperfect guy who has belly fat and non-muscular legs, but if a woman happens to have one stretch mark or a ripple of cellulite then she is fat and gross. I commend you for recognizing this man’s fat-phobia, however I think it is best to not “get used to it” but speak out against it. Any man he sees you as a “fat bitch” for speaking up is not someone worth keeping around so their opinion does not even matter.
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