Cary Tennis: Reasonable Advice Giver Today

So, sometimes I like to email my friends Cary Tennis' column at Salon and make fun of his ability to completely avoid answering the question of his letter writers, to wax poetic about life, art & the meaning of life. His column is great because the letters are usually thoughtful and much more detailed than most advice column queries tend to be. Other people's problems are interesting, sometimes...

Well anyway, today Cary actually got straight to the point and answered the letter writer's question. HERE's the Column. Essentially, she's 30, her boyfriend is 25, they are both in Ph.D. programs and she's ready to be almost ready for kids and he's much further off the mark. Should she dump him? Cary told her to clarify his timeline--does he think he'll be ready in 4 years or 10 years? Based on those possible scenerios he tells her to think provisionally about this relationship. "In other words, don't put all your eggs in one basket." This may be unromantic, but its real. I agree with him.

Which gets me to another point, I think that just as gender norms can get in our way of living our lives as we feel most comfortable (waiting for prince charming to ask us out), I think that romantic norms can get in the way of going after what we really want. Everything must be "natural" "spontaneous" or at the very least "destined" according to Romantic Comedy wisdom, but the real world seldom works out that way. So, here, she's having to make some very non-romantic decisions and it sucks, but its real. So, readers, what unromantic thing have you had to deal with to make your personal life fit with your life's goals? Share in the comments.